That time came for me when I felt crappier than I'd ever thought I could feel. At first I felt just over emotional, crying about even the simplest of things. Then it was a total lack of energy...I didn't want to do anything. Then I got vertigo...that dizzy feeling when you move anything; even your eyes. That moved into an upset tummy, which made me go off my medicine, which brought about all those symptoms the medicine took care of. Then of course, I didn't feel like eating or drinking. I laid around, doing little more than sleep and ache. A horrendous feeling when you've gone thru all I have in the past few years. A strong woman feeling totally lost and hating it. This went on for about 5 days til I finally asked to be taken to the ER. God bless my kids who didn't hesitate and took me right away and best yet, stayed by my side through the entire thing. How much love you can feel when you have such support!
The hospital took my symptoms seriously (yes, really!) and did a CT scan and blood work which amazingly were all ok. I was given an IV with saline and valium and let go home with a scrip for more valium. Yes, vertigo is helped by Valium!! The diagnosis was Benign motivational vertigo and severe dehydration. A simple way to put a horrible feeling.
It all started on Friday, April 3rd and my ER visit was last Wednesday, the 8th and I'm just today starting to feel a little better. I'm basically having to start eating in a whole different way...jello, clear foods and liquids and occasionally putting in more normal foods as I go along. Today is the first day my tummy can barely handle even a cuppa coffee! I'm slowly incorporating my medicines back into my diet and taking it EXTREMELY easy.
The best things I learned with all of this is the family I wished for has always been here! I've learned to deal with the stress in my life I thought I was dealing with so well. Even more so, I found I don't have to deal with all that on my own. I've learned my sons and daughter are more capable of handling my health issues than I thought, and no matter if they speak up or not, they WORRY about me.
I always brag to others to speak up when you want help, and yet I didn't. I tell everyone you cannot ASSUME people will know what you need to be done, or that you're lonely or sad or miserable, if you don't open your mouth and tell them so. I've raised my boys to speak up for themselves and here I was, unable to do the same thing.
I've learned my kids LOVE me, worry about me every day, and want to HELP!!! They are all different than they were 3 years ago and even though my youngest son lives with me, I wasn't aware of how much even he had changed! We adults are not the only ones who wear a 'happy mask'.
I've also learned to be VERY aware of the words I speak and HOW I speak them...how a seemingly innocent remark in my mind, can be taken so harshly and hurtfully when you put those thoughts into words to those you love more than life itself.
So, the lessons I've learned most of all are these...ALWAYS tell those you love how you feel; not just the nice stuff and not in a way they think everything's truly okay...they WANT to know it all! Let them know what you need or want help with. Get on their butts when you're frustrated with their behaviour. DON'T let things slide when you know you ought to be doing more for them, because it won't help yourself to keep quiet and your loved ones will continue to slide downhill if they aren't aware of how you feel! Your kids and your loved ones DO want you to be tough with them, NEED to know in fact. A lesson to be learned by the loved ones in your life is this....Don't wait to be asked to help; just help!! Reach out that hand...it will be grasped!!
The final lesson I learned is this...we are NEVER too old to learn, to change, to grow. We can always become better people and if we are truly loved by those we believe love us, they will still be there for us every day, in every moment, whether we are weak or strong. After all, somewhere, somehow, we are a hero to someone else, but most of all, we must be a hero to ourselves first.
